Living in the Moment

How to make the most of your study sessions

Welcome, aspiring polyglot! The other day we were at an event and it was impossible not to notice how many people were glued to their devices. I’m old. Not, like, knee replacement old. But definitely *sneeze and my shoulder hurts* old. I didn’t have a smartphone until I was 19. Getting rid of my smartphone again ten years later was an amazing experience. Something has changed.

Technology

I have always prided myself on being someone who is capable of living in the moment. Admittedly that has become more difficult as a business owner, but I do try. Especially with friends and family. However, it has become so normal to be ~near~ one another while existing in completely different worlds.

It starts out innocent enough. Watching TV after dinner. After all, you are still together and spending time with one another, right? Soon one or both or all of you realize that you would rather be getting your algorithmically hand picked content instead of some TV show you are probably rewatching for the 3rd time chasing that nostalgia drug.

A long time ago a teacher told me, “if it’s free, you are the product” and for an even longer time I didn’t really understand what that meant. Now I get it. You pay. We all pay. A LOT. But it isn’t money that we use. Instead we pay with the only thing we can never get back: our time.

Your time is valuable. The time you spend with your loved ones is also valuable. Do some math with me really quickly.

How many times do you see your parents every year? Once? Twice? 10 times?

How many years do you honestly think they have left? 10? 20? 30?

Let’s say we take the max of both. You will see them once per month for the next 30 years. The best case scenario is that you see them 360 more times. How many of those times can you afford to not be present? What if they only have 10 years left? You will see them 120 more times if you never miss a month. Life is so fragile. Do not spend it wrapped up in a world that barely exists inside your phone.

90s living

Lately, as a consequence of having a baby, we have been watching maybe a quarter of the TV that we used to watch. The result? We spend more time playing together, more time laughing together, and more time loving on each other. The change has been so delightful that we are discussing ways to run a “90s” household in the modern era.

• Steaming doesn’t exist, that show will be on next week at 5pm. We better not miss it!

• They only play cartoons on Saturday mornings!

• You have to read the book before you can see the movie.

• Get outside and don’t come back until the sun goes down!

• The wifi/cell service turns off at night, the company will turn it back on in the morning, don’t worry.

This is how I grew up (though wifi wasn’t around yet) and I look back incredibly fondly on my childhood. In fact, to this day I credit my parents for not caving and getting me a smartphone. That was one of the best parenting decisions they made, and they made a large number of very good decisions.

When I was really young, my mom was in medical school so we had to get out of her hair and let her study. Anyone who has ever tried to accomplish tasks that require zero babies while there are more than zero babies around understands this. So we spent 23 weekends out in the woods camping, hiking, mountain biking, and roasting marshmallows.

I think one of the reasons that there is so much nostalgia for the 90s is because the vast majority of it all isn’t recorded. Memory is a funny thing. My wife and I are very into “type 2” fun. That is to say, things that seemingly, or actually, suck in the moment but are fun to look back on and laugh. In all likelihood, there is something like this on a larger scale going on with regards to that time period.

Perhaps the 90s weren’t that great, but the memories of a time before everything was digitally recorded are. Anyone who works with me knows that I am always pushing people to go analog. Digital is great, but the diminishing returns come quick and they are difficult to recognize before it is too late. Much like slowly gaining weight and ~suddenly~ struggling to go up the stairs.

The “Yes” rule

Before going on exchange, my good friend, who happened to be the German exchange student we were hosting gave me some advice. This particular piece of advice changed my life on exchange and well after. That is, say yes to everything (within reason, obviously). Someone asks you to go do something? I don’t really care how bad you don’t want to go, you go.

Human behavior is hilarious. A child doesn’t want a bath, until they are in the bath. An adult doesn’t want to go to the gym, until they are in the gym. 80% of every battle is simply going to the place where the thing is happening. That is how low the barrier to entry is. All you have to do is show up. In your friendships, in your relationships, in your career, all you have to do is show up.

Here, again, is an area where I fail constantly. However, I used to be way worse 5 years ago and I was worse last year than I am now. Just like learning a new language, how you perform today is only relevant when compared to how you performed yesterday or the day before or the week or month before that. You will be shocked how often doing things you do not want to do will result in an amazing memory.

With all of that said, remember, relationships take two. If you are always showing up and you are always present and you are always saying yes, then you have done all that you can do. You cannot control what others do. In fact, you can hardly influence their decision making at all in most cases. You never know who will follow your example, but do not be discouraged if others do not reciprocate.

Conclusion

Ultimately, my goal is to turn technology into an event. We are all going to sit down and watch a movie together. We are going outside until the sun goes down. We are settling in together for a night gaming together. We turn our phones off at night so that we can spend time together. I am far from perfect on this, but all progress is progress and I have come a long way just this year.

I highly encourage you to do the same things. It is difficult. In fact, this might be one of the most difficult challenges that I have ever discussed and it is only tangentially related to language learning. If you succeed, though, your education and your relationships and your career and your family will all improve simultaneously. So do the difficult thing. Join me in the present. I am rooting for you.

Working on your French? Paid subscribers get access to the French medical handbook, the full language patterns guide, and every deep dive in the archive. Start your free trial here.

If you want personalized instruction, I offer private French courses tailored to your level and goals, from complete beginner to professional fluency. One of my students went from years of Duolingo stagnation to watching films and holding conversations in French within 8 weeks. His full review is here.