You lose when you win

Something I learned too late

Welcome, aspiring polyglot! Today I wanted to talk about something that I have struggled with since I know that I am not the only one. In fact, I have seen enough posts about it on social media, albeit in different domains, that feel reasonably certain it is a near universal human experience. As that is the case, and because it can be so harmful to one’s education, here are some of the ways that I address the problem. Try these out and if they don’t work, keep trying.

Your biggest enemy

Of all the things you will encounter when learning a new language, the most difficult to overcome will be yourself. There will be days when the absolute last thing you want to do is study your new language. On those days you don’t battle the new language or your lack of understanding therein, you battle yourself. Whether that is due to fear or frustration, what matters is that you know where your real battle lies.

Fortunately, there are several easy ways to arm yourself for the fights that lie ahead. First and foremost, you need to have goals. Real, tangible, time sensitive goals. Without exception, my students who have impending deadlines work better than those who do not. However, goals without accountability are nowhere near as potent as those with it. Whether it is a teacher, a friend, a significant other, or some Norse-themed cartoon on the internet, accountability is valuable.

Learning new things alone is difficult enough, let alone things like languages that are expressly designed for improved interpersonal communication. Again, though, this problem comes with a built in solution. Irrespective of what your target language is, there are undoubtedly groups near by with other learners who likely also need people with whom they can practice. If there isn’t one, then you have the opportunity to create one and give people what you never had.

All of these things involve overcoming your fears and your desire to not study almost daily, but at least you can rely on others to help you overcome these things. If you need help with the goals setting portion, check out this article:

However, not all battles can be fought with others at your side. Every day you will choose what to do. That means every day you will have the opportunity to negotiate with yourself. My recommendation: Don’t.

Stop negotiating with yourself

Every time you negotiate with yourself, you are going to win. Where there is a winner, there is a loser. This took me, admittedly, longer than I would like to admit to acknowledge. In fact, I still do it from time to time and that only makes me more eager to tell you to stop as soon as possible. Whatever you think you are winning in the internal argument, it is crucial that you also try to remember what you are losing.

The reason it is imperative that you know what you are losing in the negotiation is because, at the end of the day, no one is going to ever know except for you. So, theoretically, you could get away with these internal negotiations indefinitely. “Tomorrow I will do x” and “On Monday I will start y” and “Instead of doing x, I’ll just do y. After all, at least I did something” and “No one else is doing it for this long so I can take a break” all of these are examples of internal negotiation.

More often than not, what you are losing is not tangible and therefore does not feel like a loss. What you are losing in reality is time. The one finite resource that you can never get back. Every negotiation you have won has led to an internal conversation later down the line that begins with, “if I had only begun…” and that pang of regret can hurt. That is the feeling that I try to hold onto when I think I should start up an argument with myself.

The more you do it, the easier it gets. That works in both ways. When you choose to negotiate with yourself, every time you win you will get better at winning. Who knows your psychological triggers better than you, after all? On the other hand, the more you choose to walk away from the proverbial table the easier that, too, will become. If this sounds familiar, try walking away from the table a few times. It might not actually get easier, but you get better which makes it feel easier.

Getting better

Over the years I’ve figured out 3 ways to ensure that I keep my momentum up or at least overcome that initial desire to push things off. Even if you don’t have that urge from time to time, these things will likely help you in multiple areas of your life as they have helped me. The first is simple and requires you to ask one question of yourself: Will it take less than 5 minutes to finish?

The Two Minute Method

I call this the “Two Minute Method” because most of the things that you think will take 5 minutes actually end up taking only 2. For example, the dishwasher. Everyone has looked at a full dishwasher before and thought “I’ll unload it later” only for later to come and go. Next time you go to unload the dishwasher, time yourself. I bet it takes less time than you think. So, if you ask yourself, “will this take me fewer than 5 minutes to accomplish?” and the answer is “yes” then do it.

The first difference you will notice is that you have less of a mental strain. All of those 2 minute jobs you kept putting off because “well, it’ll only take two minutes” are done because, well, they only took you two minutes. After doing this for a few weeks it will become almost automatic and you won’t have to fight for the win very hard at all. Will this Duolingo lesson take fewer than 5 minutes?'

Just Start

Now, if the thing you wish to accomplish is likely going to take more than 5 minutes, then put in five minutes. Starting is the hardest part. Not always, but certainly initially and it is never easy. Just starting and working for five minutes will get you through even the worst of the “I don’t wanna”s that you may experience throughout your language learning journey. Like a child who doesn’t want to take a bath. Once in the water, they never want to leave.

Since, in this new language, you are cognitively a child, it would behoove you to treat your study sessions not as though you are training an adult, but as though you are training a child. Saying, “I’ll just do 5 minutes” will get you an easy win, start building some momentum, and in all likelihood will lead you to working for well beyond that five minute mark. After all, stacking wins is fun irrespective of your age and current competence level.

Stack Wins

The final tool you will use to overcome the desire to negotiate with yourself is that of stacking wins. Momentum snowballs and at a certain point it no longer becomes desirable to push off your language studies. Working towards a goal every day and seeing consistent progress makes it hard to stop working. Every time you master a new grammar concept or add new words to your vocabulary you steel yourself against the temptation of procrastination.

Keep in mind, everyone has different wins that they want to pursue, your goal is to find the ones that motivate you and move the needle for your language acquisition. You also need to be tracking your progress so that incredible amounts of progress don’t feel like plateaus. For more on what those things might look like, check out this article:

Conclusion

When you choose to negotiate with yourself, whether it’s about filling up the car with gas the night before you have to wake up early for work or deciding to study your target language, you will lose. You will also win. This can make something that is incredibly detrimental to your progress feel like something that you are actually winning. Breaking a habit that feels rewarding even though it is causing lots of harm is incredibly difficult, but there are many tools to help you along.

More importantly, once you start breaking the habit, it becomes easier and easier to walk away from entirely. Of course, the temptation will always be there. After all, learning a new language is an incredibly difficult endeavor and doing difficult things is, well, difficult. But you can do those things and become great, so build the habit of choosing challenge so you become great. I will be hear, working hard to do the same. I am rooting for you.

Requests

If you have anything you would like covered you can reach out to me on ​X​, ​Instagram​, or at odin@secondlanguagestrategies.com.

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