Advice for future exchange students
The real life choose your own adventure game
Welcome, aspiring polyglot! As the new school year approaches, some of you, or your children, may be looking at options for exchange programs. I have quite a bias towards the two programs through which I did my exchanges, but you should be focused on what suits you best. No matter which program you end up choosing, or even if you decide to go it alone, there are several principles to keep in mind that will enrich your experience. You don’t have to take all of these and run with them, but you should at least give them a try.
Unique aspects of different programs
Options are always good and the best part about exchange programs is that there are plenty of choices and you can pick the one that suits you. As for myself, I went with the Rotary International exchange program. My favorite part of, and the most unique aspect of Rotary Youth Exchange, was changing host families. With Rotary you get the opportunity to live with three different families all within the same city. Seeing three ways to live within the same city all completely different is something I never thought I would be able to do.
In general, you will see exchange programs and erasmus programs. While in Europe erasmus really means exchange, particularly academic with a focus on language and integration, in the US it largely means an exchange at the collegiate level rather than high school. These different programs come with different stated goals, but I would recommend going into it all with your own goals and striving to outdo yourself. Many of the students around you will resist integration and language learning, so it is incumbent upon you to take the reins.
Choosing your countries is often limited to the programs you are looking at as well, so if you can’t find a country you want to go to and live in, then try another organization. Universities often are limited by the places where other universities are, but organizations like EF and Rotary are able to send students wherever there are club members which opens up quite a few doors. Even in Belgium there were students in villages of 500 people and cities of 5 million. While choosing your country is often possible, choosing where within the country is far more difficult.
Choosing to integrate
As a mentioned above, the choice to integrate is just that, a choice. People who speak the same language tend to group together. It is natural to seek out people who can understand not only your language, but your plight. Living abroad is incredibly difficult and when you do not speak the local language it can also be cripplingly isolating. Of course I wanted to spend all the time I could around other exchange students and English speakers. Every day I am glad that I didn’t.
At the end of the day, you don’t have to do anything. No one is really watching you that closely, everyone understands how difficult living abroad and learning a new language are, and no one knows anything about you. Very few times in your life will people have absolutely no expectations of you and exchange is one of those times. That is why it is vital that you have expectations for yourself. It really is your game to lose.
Since no one has any expectations and, if anything, they expect very little having seen how common exchange students refuse to integrate or learn the local language, you have the opportunity to change their view of whatever your nationality is forever. American tourists are known as loud and obnoxious, but you are not a tourist, right? Being proud of your heritage and simultaneously eager to integrate and communicate with a new group of people will blow minds.
Life changing experiences don’t just happen. In order to experience the things most people cannot, you have to be willing to do the things that most people will not do. When I was prepping this article I reached out to some old friends and ran a survey in some exchange student groups.
There was a Pareto distribution, as one might expect, where 80% of people never integrated, or wish they had done more to make friends and learn the language while 20% felt they had done everything they could and still had deep friendships with many of their friends from decades ago. Easy choices versus difficult choices. That is why I end every article the way I do. I know how hard it is, I did it; and learning new languages and integrating into new communities changed my life in ways I never could have imagined. I want the same for you.
Always say yes (within reason)
Though I learned, it would not have been possible without an amazing German man who lived with my family as an exchange student before I ever left. His advice made my exchange into an unforgettable experience and I know his was much the same. He had what I wanted and that is why I followed his advice, there is something to that. Now, I have the pleasure to watch him marry the love of his life next month. I guess his soon to be wife must have taken this advice, too!
The best advice he gave me and the advice I try to give to anyone moving abroad now, is to always say yes. Obviously this comes with some caveats, but it is generally good advice. What do I mean by say yes to everything? Here are some things I said yes to when living abroad that wasn’t necessary sure about:
Renting a piano
Taking archery lessons
Traveling to Paris with a young Catholics group
Going skiing in the French alps
Going skiing in the Italian alps
Walking on stage at a music festival in Germany (this was bad because I ended up in the local paper..)
And the list goes on. Through this, I built bonds with some incredible people who had the patience to teach me French and Spanish and German and even learn some English from me. Over time you will become the forever welcome. In French “le/la bienvenu(e)” which essentially means an open invitation. Perhaps the worst part of refusing to integrate is watching all of the exchange friends you knew going back to spend time with their friends and families abroad.
Fortunately, once you have made it known you are willing to put in effort, the only thing you really have to do is that which you would expect of others. If you would expect something of a friend, then you should be willing to do that thing for people you wish to befriend. Reciprocity is valuable in relationship building and it is also something that does not need to be communicated linguistically.
Conclusion
Every person has their own path, but I cannot recommend Rotary highly enough for students. As you age, the options get a little more sparse, but even programs like Modern Language Study Abroad (MLSA) offer people of any age the opportunity to get some college credits through living abroad and studying at a foreign university, often for a great price. Saying yes and making the choice to participate with your new friends will change your life.
The exhaustion will be debilitating, the embarrassment will be overwhelming, and the confusion will be constant. However, every moment will be one you look back at with fondness and, hopefully, the friends you make along the way will be constant reminders that you made the right choices, irrespective of how difficult they were to make. You can do difficult things and be great, we both know it, so do some difficult things and become great. I am rooting for you.
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If you have anything you would like covered you can reach out to me on X, Instagram, or at odin@secondlanguagestrategies.com.
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